This Girl is On Fire
Fire transforms.
Fire burns away impurities.
Fire burns stuff to the ground.
Fire lights the way forward.
Reflecting on how far I've come, I know I've been transformed - and will continue to be. It's not been a straight line - it's more like a dance over hot coals - jumping back and forth between my authentic self and my comfort (but constrictive) zone. I have become more grounded, and I am ready to burn some stuff down.
I am ready to burn up my "Good Girl" card, the one my parents handed me at birth. I see it now as a form of mind control. Let it burn.
I am ready to burn down the patriarchy, which serves to control the powerless and the voiceless, most of whom are women. This will require a close scrutiny of my participation in all of my relationships, starting with the expression of my voice, my needs, and my desires. Does that feel selfish to you? Let that burn away, too!
I have been actively burning away shoulds and shouldn'ts and any other words that abrade my soul. This is the fiery energy that fueled my answering the call to ordination and reassessing what is true for me about God.
As a woman of a certain age, I am invisible. That used to bother me, but I have reframed it as a superpower: A fire that you can't see coming would be a most impactful force! But what would that look like visually? The image above is how I answered that question as a final painting for the Fire Cycle in my Ignite Teacher Training with Connie Solera. Here's how the painting unfolded:
I didn't want to paint a figure of a woman in the middle of fire. But she would not be still. It was too reminiscent of witch burnings. It hit too close to home - I would be burned at the stake for thinking myself so bold as to pursue ordination. But this girl is on fire - a transforming fire to burn away detritus, an energetic fire to get shit done, as well as an illuminating fire to light up the path to wholeness and authenticity.
I began with a luscious, full sheet of 300 pound 100% cotton watercolor paper. I almost cried when I placed it on my art table; it is significant that I used my most precious art supply for this painting. I rubbed my hands over the yummy texture, grabbed an aqua blue Stabilo Woodie pencil, and wrote right in the center in large bold letters, "This is for me!" That felt so good! As it turned out, the aqua letters were challenging to cover with the subsequent layers of paint! The large paper size required my using fat brushes and making sweeping strokes. It was wonderfully freeing! I seem to not overwork paintings when I paint larger, something I realized previously in painting my large abstracts that I later cut down into smaller pieces.
The dancing figure in the flames took shape during a guided mediation session which incorporated dance. While I was dancing, this figure insisted that she appear in this dancing pose in the middle of my campfire painting.
The final painting was cropped to remove the campfire at the bottom, hoping to minimize the stake-burning association. I added wings to bring forth an association with the phoenix who rises from the ashes, and some gold highlights.
This painting stands proudly on my easel. I'm not sure which room she will land in but I do know that she would not take no for an answer.
Is there anything in your life that you need to burn down?
Can you name something or someone in your life that is no longer life-giving and needs to be released?
Fall is a good time to following the example of the leaves and let go!