Proceeding As Way Opens: Waiting for the Spirit's Guidance

I’m ordained! Now what? 

Stand at the crossroads, and look

And ask for the ancient paths,

Where the good way lies; and walk in it,

And find rest for your souls.

--- Jeremiah 6:16

Proceed as way opens on a path diverging in the forest

Now that my ordination is complete (watch here) and I’ve presided at my first liturgy (watch my homily here or read it here), I’m asking myself: now what?

What’s next? Where is that “good way” Jeremiah refers to above?

I’m at a crossroads which is a threshold place for me. Threshold is defined as a place where “the past season has come to a close but there is a profound unknowing of what will come next.” When I read that definition of thresholds in Christine Valters Painter’s book The Soul’s Slow Ripening, I felt a strong sense of recognition, as if my soul said, yes… that about sums it up!

A Profound Unknowing

Past seasons have come to a close for me, and some of them have been burned to the ground (more in my next post). It has been disorienting to move away from what I knew even though I knew that it no longer fit. Familiarity, even if it’s scratchy and constricting, may be preferable to a profound unknowing.  But only for a time.

I am choosing to reframe “profound unknowing” as something filled with possibilities! At this point, I am waiting while I listen for the Spirit’s promptings. I am releasing (and re-releasing) the death grip that I have on my own personal agenda and opening a space for Spirit to fill. It’s like I am standing in a large field of beautiful flowers surrounded by butterflies and song birds. But there is no path through the field. I am waiting for the next step to reveal itself. The way will be made by my walking it.

Proceed As Way Opens

I will “proceed as way opens” in the words of the Quakers. This phrase means to wait patiently for guidance rather than forcing an outcome.

I experienced this idea of “proceeding as way opens” in my discernment regarding ordination. As many of you know, my diaconate ordination was originally scheduled for early 2021. It was delayed due to a variety of obstacles, and I decided to wait, allowing for further discernment. Months later, I was presented with a different path to ordination, through the Federation of Christian Ministers. The very next day, it felt like the way had opened and proceeding with the Federation was the obvious choice with the least amount of drama. There was a sense of ease for me on this path. The obstacles evaporated and the way forward was clear.

Anger as a sign and as fuel

A wise friend suggested that an obstacle in my way may have been my own anger toward the church. Anger is useful sign that alerts you to a violation of your values. Anger is the fuel you need to deal with the violation. For me, the violation was the oppression of women by the church hierarchy. Anger rose up in me when I finally realized the way my church treated women was oppressive. My anger was fuel for my breakup with the Roman Catholic Church. It was not as simple and straight forward as I make it sound – the breakup took years – but once the final straw was placed, I knew that I could not remain within the institutional church any longer. With my decision made, the anger had done its job and could dissipate. Then, the way forward was cleared for me to proceed with ease and grace to follow my call to ordination in the independent Catholic tradition.

As I described in my earlier post about it being time for your voice to be heard, I am feeling an invitation to create community, a “Listening Table” where we can gather to discuss, question, raise doubts and express our creative voices. It will be a beloved community with time for contemplative silence, playful creativity, and other elements, too.

But for now, I am waiting in a profound unknowing for the way to open. And resting up because the journey before us is long.  But it will be more delightful with you on it!

Let us find where the good way lies; and walk in it, together.