Welcome to the path of deconstruction!
Do you have concerns about your relationship with organized religion?
Do you feel some kind of way when you have questions or doubts about your spiritual journey?
Do any of these ring true?
What you’ve been taught keeps conflicting with what your lived experiences are showing you.
You have been turned off or turned away by those who hold themselves out as the authority of the church and the voice of God.
Your heart has become inflamed with the Spirit and your current worship community is no longer nourishing you.
You long for something more than just going through the motions.
Perhaps you are feeling lost? Confused? Alone? Wandering through unfamiliar territory? No light at the end of a long, dark tunnel? People are not usually eager to start down this path, but find themselves there rather unexpectedly. Is that you?
Congratulations! You’ve been invited by the divine to something more. You may be on a journey of deconstruction. It can be a long, twisting, circuitous journey. You may never reach the end, at least not on this side of the veil! It has nothing to do with heavy machinery but you may need a dumpster.
There is no universal agreement about the meaning of the term deconstruction, but I do think it is helpful to name the process of evaluating the faith beliefs and religious teachings you have been given, clearing out the ones you’ve outgrown, and keeping only what resonates with your soul. I define “deconstruction” as the process of slowly examining and then releasing any beliefs and teachings that feel too constrictive or no longer align with your lived experiences. The process continues with trying to figure out where you do want to belong and what you do still believe. It requires a level of spiritual maturity and a readiness to take control of your spiritual life rather than allowing others to tell you what to believe. Beloved author Rachel Held Evans described it as a “massive inventory of faith, tearing every doctrine from the cupboard and turning each one over in your hand.”
A better term for the process may be remodeling. Jesus called us to remodel or rethink our relationship to God. “Repent” means to “rethink,” it does not mean “stop sinning.” Many of his parables turned the then-current way of thinking on its head.
The prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), the generous vineyard owner (Matt 20:1-16) are just two examples. The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5 - 7) (or on the plain in Luke 6:20-49) gives plenty of others with Jesus beginning each lesson stating “You’ve heard it said …” and then explaining the old way of understanding religious teachings, and finishing by saying “but I say to you ….” inviting us to a new understanding.
This remodeling process is challenging - it always takes longer than you expected and costs more than you planned, right? And breaking up is hard to do. The process is destabilizing. You will start to question things you thought were certainties. You may move away from your worship community where everybody knows your name. You may need to let go of certain cultural traditions and activities that have long defined who you are and how you spent your time. Some of your family members will either think you are crazy or a lost soul damned for all eternity, because that’s what they were taught.
And it’s a long process! I’ve been on this journey for at least ten years. Initially, I kept hopping back and forth - one Sunday, I was leaving the church and then I was back to try again. Finally, my ordination to the priesthood last year cut off all avenues of retreat! And that’s a relief. In the words of Irish theologian John O’Donohue, “once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment.”
Once you leave one community, it may take you a while to find another community that fits. The pandemic did open up access to many worship opportunities via Zoom or Facebook, which is convenient. But slipping off one cloak and slipping into another may be a struggle because now you are aware of other options, and the search may drag on. Of course, no community is perfect: every community is filled with humans and humans get stuff wrong sometimes.
The process requires decisions. Like moving to a new house, you need to choose what to pack and bring with you, what to toss because it no longer fits or works, and what to store away in the memory banks. In the words of Franciscan Father Richard Rohr, spiritual maturity requires you to “include and transcend.” Who you are now is built on all that has come before now, so those things are still included in who you are. You don’t need to toss everything. Be grateful for what you have been taught, even while transcending to a deeper and more soul-nourishing understanding.
It’s like purging your bookshelves for a move: you might have some books that you’ve read and squeezed out all their goodness. Donate those to a second hand shop. Some books have ideas that you now find oppressive and harmful; those should be tossed in the trash lest someone else read them to ill effect. And still others, you pack up along with the memories of how they expanded your soul. For these, you will find a place of honor in your new living space because of their wisdom.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you felt that all this sounds completely dreadful! Does it this make you want to run and hide your head under the covers? Here are some suggestions:
What to do?
Be gentle with yourself - Drop any expectation that by now you should have all this figured out.
Be curious - Avoid judging either yourself for leaving or others for staying. God has invited you on a different journey. God has not called them. Yet. There is grace in that.
Be open - You are a beginner at this so have an open mind about what is possible, what is nurturing, what may be different that you have ever seen before.
Trust that the Holy Spirit will lead you onto the right path for you.
Trust your inner wisdom - your body knows.
Reach out for help - I’m here to help you work through all the confusion. It is easier for someone else who is further along on the journey to point out where God is showing up and what pitfalls to avoid.
Find the next four steps to Deconstruction here:
Still got questions?
You can reach out for help! Schedule a time to talk with me one-with-one about the process of spiritual direction, if that sounds intriguing to you. I’ve given up handing out answers, but I can help you discern the answers that are truest for you.
We are creating a circle of women who are remodeling their relationship with God, with religion, and with themselves.
If you are interested in being in community, in creating a sacred space to explore, question, laugh and grow, you might want to join our Wise Souls Circle. We meet virtually once a month for a season to journal, share, and discuss questions that are on our hearts. Once we begin a new season, we close the circle to build trust. Our current season runs from January to May. We will open up the circle for a few meetings in the summer and then begin a new season in September.
If you are interested in joining us when we reopen the circle, you are most welcome to add your name and email address in the form below and I will make sure that you are the first to know when the circle reopens!