Deconstruction Step Two: Question Everything
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Never lose a holy curiosity.” – Albert Einstein
The second step on the path of deconstruction is to question everything. Spoiler Alert: There may not be any answers to your questions! There are ways to respond personally to all the questions, but the notion of certainty might have to be the first thing to go.
According to Voltaire, "Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." A while ago, I wrote a blog post that I called “What's wrong with being certain.” I listed several reasons why certainty about your faith creates an obstacle in your relationship with God. The biggest problem may be that certainty limits the mystery that is God.
This cartoon by David Hayward, The Naked Pastor, captures this idea quite well:
There are so many questions that bubble up as you walk down this path. The first kind of questions pertain to the past.
Question all the beliefs you have been taught or absorbed along the way. In the words of author Rachel Held Evans, you’ll want to conduct a “massive inventory of faith, tearing every doctrine from the cupboard and turning each one over in your hand” determining what should stay and what should go.
You may question teachings about original sin, or about atonement theology, or about whether hell really exists, or about what sin even is and who gets to decide. You do need to figure out what you still believe. This will require a readiness to take control of your spiritual life and reclaim your power to think and choose for yourself. You will need to give yourself permission to express your questions and your doubts, and stop waiting for others to grant you that permission.
“Re-examine all you have been told in school or church or in any book, and dismiss whatever insults your own soul.”
These words from the preface to Walt Whitman’s book of poetry, Leaves of Grass, were a wake up call for me. I probably haven’t read any of his poetry since high school, but these particular words made me realize that I could listen to the wisdom of my own soul, to that which is deepest within me, and reject or dismiss whatever did not align with my own wisdom.
For one who was taught that disagreeing with the church was to disagree with God, this idea was revolutionary. For one who was not allowed to question authority, at home or in church, these words were liberating.
Another kind of questions ask “what’s next?”
What will happen if I leave?
What will God think about me if I have doubts?
How will my decision affect my family of origin or those I currently live with?
Do I need to revise or let go of certain cultural traditions or activities that have defined who I am and how I've spend my time?
Where would I go when I leave what I know?
How will I find a new community?
A change of denomination may help. A change of leadership or preaching style may be in order. I tried out different services at Presbyterian and Episcopalian churches and the format was close to what I was accustomed to but not quite right for me. It was incredibly refreshing for me to attend a worship service where I could hear a woman’s voice from the altar, and hear a woman’s interpretation of scripture! From time to time, that voice is my voice.
Of course, no community is perfect: every community is filled with humans and humans get stuff wrong sometimes. So, finding your new spiritual home may take a while.
Know that God is with you through it all. Trust that the Holy Spirit will lead you onto the right path for you. More on what that looks like in my next blog post!
Missed the first two posts in this series about Deconstruction? Here you go:
Welcome to the Path of Deconstruction!
Find the next two steps to Deconstruction here:
Still got questions?
You can reach out for help! Schedule a time to talk with me one-with-one about the process of spiritual direction, if that sounds intriguing to you. I’ve given up handing out answers, but I can help you discern the answers that are truest for you.
There are so many questions that come up and it is better to be in community for support on the journey. We are creating a circle of women who are remodeling their relationship with God, with religion, and with themselves.
If you are interested in being in community, in creating a sacred space to explore, question, laugh and grow, you might want to join our Wise Souls Circle. We meet virtually once a month for a season to journal, share, and discuss questions that are on our hearts. Once we begin a new season, we close the circle to build trust. Our current season runs from January to May. We will open up the circle for a few meetings in the summer and then begin a new season in September.
If you are interested in joining us when we reopen the circle, you are most welcome to add your name and email address in the form below and I will make sure that you are the first to know when the circle reopens!