I remember sitting in church every Sunday morning and praying for world peace. It struck me as a noble request but it felt unattainable. World peace doesn’t start out there. The first step toward attaining world peace is finding inner peace. 

Before you speak of peace, you must first have it in your heart. 

—St. Francis of Assisi  

And the first step toward finding peace in your heart is the practice of seeing the divine everywhere, in all people, and throughout creation. If we do not see the face of God in “the other,” we can not see God.

A big obstacle to seeing God in the other is dualistic thinking. Sometimes referred to as “us/them thinking,” it contributes mightily to the divisiveness in the world today. It’s not surprising that so many of us are entrenched in dualistic thinking. This way of sorting and categorizing makes our life simpler, even though it is not life-giving nor does it come from love. Dualistic thinking is in the air we breathe, it’s in the language we use, and it’s woven into the fabric of our lives. 

We are taught dualistic thinking in our culture:

• The intellect is valued over the intuition.

• What is measurable is valued over what is experienced or felt.

• People with lighter skin are awarded higher places on the hierarchy of life than people with darker skin. Unless you are Native American, your ancestors were “the other.”

• Heterosexuality is deemed normative, while homosexuality is considered by many as abnormal.

• Youth is held out as the ideal while aging, at least the appearance of aging, is to be avoided at all costs.

• The list goes on…

Dualistic thinking is reinforced in many church teachings:

• Spiritual matters are sacred while bodily matters are considered profane.

• God is separate from us, somewhere out there looking down on us.

• Rarely are we taught that God is right here right now, closer to us than our next breath.

Evolution favors our sticking together, seeing the world as “us against them,” and automatically defaulting to dualistic thinking.

• We have evolved with a tribe mentality. For eons, it was a matter of safety to stay “in” the tribe; death was certain if you were thrown “out” of the tribe.

• Our brains are only able to include about 150 people “in” our sphere of care and concern, so it’s no wonder we all feel overwhelmed with the news headlines about people “outside” our sphere from across the globe all day, every day.

All of these factors fuel dualistic thinking and undergird the deep discord in our country. As Fr. Richard Rohr observes, we have “the tendency … to divide the world into various enemy camps. A fundamental script of this system is to separate ‘us’ from ‘them’… those who are worthy of our love and those who are not.”

Consider the duality that thrives in our inner landscapes and prevents us from finding inner peace. Our ego is frequently at odds with our soul, and that causes unease. This is the place to begin: Become aware of that inner unease. With curious compassion, notice when the voice of your soul, the voice of your inner wisdom, is dissonant with the monkey mind of your ego. Begin noticing how

• the ego excludes and contracts. The soul includes and expands. 

• the ego craves certainty. The soul desires mystery.

• the ego measures and compares. The soul savors its uniqueness.

The disconnect between the ego and the soul is an early indicator of misalignment. In my last post, I proposed that one of the few things we control is how we respond to stimuli. When you notice this inner misalignment, pause and choose how to respond. You have the choice of responding from a place of love, abundance, and compassion, or from a place of fear, scarcity and judgment.

We need our egos to get the grocery shopping done and the bills paid, but the ego does not have to drive the car. Egoistic thinking is dualistic and works well for simple situations, but is not designed to search for truth or understand the subtleties of our personal experiences. Most of us settle for quick and easy answers instead of pausing for deeper reflection. It’s easier to read the headlines and jump to conclusions instead of dropping down into the nuances necessary to really understand people and even our selves.

Put the ego in the back seat and allow the soul to take the steering wheel. 

• Love yourself first. Notice how you speak to yourself, and practice being more compassionate. Scripture’s urging that you “love your neighbor as yourself” requires you to love yourself first. If I spoke to my neighbor the way I sometimes speak to myself, my neighbor would build higher fences! 

• As the compassion for your own self grows, you find a deep pool of compassion for the others in our midst. When we feel loved unconditionally by the Divine within, we begin to trust that there is enough love for everyone.

• Practice seeing the sacredness in everything and everyone. As we come to believe the sacredness of ourselves, we can start to see the sacredness in all beings. Tap into the Divine connection and draw on this abundant source to love the other. It won’t be easy at first, but maintaining inner peace is worth it.

“Our true calling is to love one another as God has loved us. When we take this seriously, we are transformed into lovers who care for all beings.”

—Richard Rohr

What does answering that call look like? We are all in need of healing from the wounds of duality in the company we keep, and most importantly within ourselves. Create a Beloved Community so you don’t have to go it alone.

What is a Beloved Community? It is a way of moving through the world with others in a more open, non-judgmental and inclusive manner. It is a supportive approach where you hold space for the other, allowing them to have different life experiences. You don’t have to have a special time to meet or a particular place to gather. You don’t need matching tee shirts. You create your own Beloved Community with every interaction you take.

Who is your Beloved Community? The short answer is ANYONE, or more realistically, all the people in your midst. 

Consider these actions in creating your own Beloved Community:

• Notice when you are “othering” and get curious about your why. Drop below the othering and look for their divine spark.

• Be mindful of the impact you have on others.  What wake do you want to leave behind?

• Be fully present in your connections with others. Listening deeply and with full attention will help the other feel heard. 

• Live in harmony instead of dissonance by using words of encouragement and support instead of criticism or judgment.

For more on dual and non-dual thinking, check out Richard Rohr’ week of meditations here. 

Let me know in the comments your thoughts on creating your own beloved community. I’m here to support you!